And now, a full 365 days later, I find myself right back where I started from:
I'm in LA again.
I knew that coming back to Los Angeles would be an emotional experience for me. After all, I had left under emotional circumstances. My last year in Los Angeles, had been a tumultuous one. The economy had hit California hard, especially the fashion industry- I found myself laid off with an uncertain future. In addition, I had recently ended a year-long, rocky, live-in relationship. Living in the city has it's perks, but it also has it's downsides too; it's easy to get metaphorically lost in the hustle and bustle of city survival. I missed my family, and I longed to feel secure, and grounded again. I also left because the idea of moving to Oklahoma scared me-- but I somehow knew that the adventure would be a rewarding experience.
As much as I enjoyed the welcome change, of slow-paced, peaceful, family-centric, green country livin' in Oklahoma-- I couldn't help but miss L.A. too. It was dangerous for me to think too much about the palm trees, the ocean or the streets I knew so well, because if I did, it was almost certain that my heart would ache, and then the tears would start to fall.
It's hard to describe all the things that I am feeling now that I am here: it's overwhelming. All of the things I took for granted before, I appreciate now on a much deeper level: the diversity, the liberal, open-minded attitudes, the nightlife selection, the fashion, the vegan restaurant options, and the fast-paced energy.
I'm impressed now, more than ever by the unique beauty L.A. has to offer: the palm tree-lined streets, the Hollywood hills, the neighborhoods with a hodgepodge of impressive architecture: a craftsman, next to a Spanish bungalow, next to mid-century, next to an Art Deco building. I've missed my familiar streets, my favorite restaurants, the sky line, the city lights: the heartbeat of the city. I feel a very deep and heart-felt affection towards this city.
While driving back to West Hollywood last night, taking the scenic, albeit touristy route for old time's sake down Hollywood Blvd, a friend and I were talking about what it's like to move from place to place. He is from Oklahoma, so he understands the complexity. It feels weird to love more than one place; to have more than one "Home". I feel torn, and conflicted. He wisely shared with me comforting and sage advice: It's like that Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zero's song-- "Home" doesn't have to be a literal place. "Home" is wherever you are-- with the people you love.
Lyrics to Home :
Alabama, Arkansas, I do love my Ma & Pa
Not the way that I do love you
Holy Moley, Me-oh-My, you're the apple of my eye
Girl, I've never loved one like you
Man, oh man, you're my best friend,
I scream it to the nothingness
There ain't nothin' that I need
Well, hot & heavy, pumpkin pie,
chocolate candy, Jesus Christ
There ain't nothin' please me more than you
Ahh, Home
Let me come Home
Home is wherever I'm with you (2x)
La la la la, take me Home
Baby, I'm coming Home
I'll follow you into the park,
through the jungle, through the dark
Girl, I've never loved one like you
Moats & boats & waterfalls,
alley ways & pay phone calls
I've been everywhere with you
That's true
We laugh until we think we'll die,
barefoot on a summer night
Nothin' new is sweeter than with you
And in the streets we're running
free like it's only you and me
Geez, you're somethin' to see.
Ahh, Home
Let me come Home
Home is wherever I'm with you
La la la la, take me Home Baby, I'm coming Home
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