Internet Dating 101: Tips from a Professional Dater

I avoid giving advice or tips on things I know nothing about.
For example: I am never going to publish a post on how to fix a leaky faucet, or how to cook up a juicy steak. Because I haven't a clue how to do either of those.

But, as embarrassing as it is to admit, I do know a thing or two about internet dating.  Maybe it's my adventurous spirit?  Or, maybe it's because I'm willing to search "high" and "low" for Mr. Right?  At any rate, when it comes to internet dating, I am unfortunately, an expert.  Here are a few dating tips I'd like to share, that I hope will bring you dating success--as opposed to dating tragedies.

Tip #1) A picture is worth a thousand words:

Credit: Roy Lichtenstein

Once you've selected your dating website, be absolutely sure to post pictures of yourself, that are not only recent, but actually look like you!   This is common sense, but for some reason, is not as common as it should be.  Any pictures that imply that you look significantly different---other than how you really look in the full light of day, is false advertising.  Once your date actually meets you, they are more than likely, going to be disappointed, and annoyed.  Which means, the date is inevitably going to be awkward, and suffice it to say---it won't end well.  So, if you are going to put yourself out there-- do it right!  Ask a trusted friend to take your photo, they won't mind.  Opt for flattering, but natural light, wear an outfit that elicits compliments every time you wear it, think happy thoughts, and give the camera your brightest and most sincere smile!  This will win you genuine dates- with people who like you for YOU. (Not that pixelated, high contrast, high angle, cropped at the neck, from 10 years ago you.)

Tip #2)  Leave the past, in the past:

Credit: Roy Lichtenstein

Do not under any circumstances talk (at length) about your recent break up or your ex.  I can't think of a more direct way to turn what should have been a pleasant night out, getting to know someone into an awkward, therapy session.  As tempting or as harmless as it may seem, talking about your recent heart-ache or break up isn't going to "bond" you to your date.  What it will do is bring the "past" to the "present", when the "present" should be an exciting first date, getting to know someone new, and ideally, the fresh start to something great.  Yes, you should be getting to know your date, but there are a million other things to talk about other than how cute your ex looked when he/she smiled, and how you've been listening to "The Cure" a lot lately, since you've been nursing a broken heart.

Repeat after me: "my date is not my therapist".

Tip # 3) Mind your Manners:

Credit: Roy Lichtenstein

I hate to sound like Emily Post, but based on my experiences in the dating field, it seems we all could use a little brushing up on our dating etiquette. For anyone who is doubtful that "manners matter", continue reading:

First of all, your date is taking mental notes; noticing all the little things you do or don't do-- to be analyzed and interpreted in detail later.  **True confessions: on a really bad date I've made trips to the ladies room to call my BF and give her a play by play on just how bad it's been. You don't want to play any part of a date-horror-story, especially if you live in a small town. Yikes!

Secondly, on a first date-- there are so many uncontrollable variables such as: will there be chemistry? The one thing you can control is how you treat your date.  So, even if he/she doesn't turn out to be the woman or man of your dreams, you can still be courteous, and find yourself having a pleasant night, regardless.

A brief refresher course:

A- I can't believe I have to say this, it's so rudimentary, but it doesn't always happen and it should. Gentleman, always open doors for your date.  Ladies, be gracious and always say "thank you".

Also girls, when your date opens the car door to let you in first, (if his car doesn't automatically unlock on his side) lean over right away and unlock his side too. He'll be impressed!

B- Once the check arrives, don't let it sit there!  Guys, be the gentleman and grab it and be sure to take care of it right away, especially on a first date.  If you don't, you will forever be known as the cheapskate, who probably shouldn't be asking girls out in the first place.  And you can (literally) kiss any hopes of getting a romantic kiss good-night, good-bye!

Credit: Roy Lichtenstein

C- Be nice to the servers, bartenders or anyone else who waits on you.  Also, pay close attention to how your date treats others when they think no one is watching. This is a true sign of how they will treat you in the future.  If my date is dismissive, or rude to a server who is otherwise doing their best, I not only find it unattractive, but like many---take it as a sign, that that is how they are going to treat me later.

D- This courteous tip is for the gentleman, and kind of a dying gesture.  Want to go the extra mile and be a real gentleman?  It's easy! While walking on the side-walk with your date, make sure that she is on the inside of the side walk; farthest from the curb.  You'll earn bonus points, and if the date isn't going so well- this just might help you redeem yourself.  This chivalrous tradition hails back to a time when horse-drawn carriages would inadvertently splash mud on ladies' expensive dresses, to prevent this gentleman walked closest to the street to protect the women they were with. Thoughtful and romantic!

These manners may seem trivial, but I am telling you: you can tell a lot about a person by how courteous they are to you now.  If your date can't bother to be polite on the first date, what kind of a person are they going to be once you are in a relationship, and you hit a rough patch? It won't be pretty.

Tip # 4 Safety First:

Credit: Roy Lichtenstein

It's a crazy world out there and you just never know if your date is who they say they are.  In order to avoid being a statistic, I've employed the following dating-safety procedures before going out; I highly recommend this tips to everyone --especially if you are going out with someone for the very first time.
1- Meet in a public place (the more people, the better)
2- Drive separately and meet them there.

3- Let a friend or room-mate know where you are going and who you are going with; write down your date's full name, and phone number on a post-it before going out for the evening.
4- Since I moved to a new town, where everything was new and unfamiliar, I started taking extra precautions.  First, I take a picture of my date (from the dating website of course) with my Iphone.  Next, I add his pic to his contact info on my phone.  Lastly, I forward all my date's contact info to someone else (a room-mate is a good idea).  For me, it's my overly protective brother, who has requested the info in the first place.  Like me, he would rather I be a little neurotic, then a lot dead.

Tip # 5 Talk on the phone before your first date:

All I know is, talking to your potential date BEFORE you agree to go out, accomplishes much more than you would think.  If it goes well, it gives you motivation and encouragement to proceed forward. If it does NOT go well, if gives you a valid reason to not go forward and which would be a waste of each others' time.

Do you like the sound of their voice?  Would you mind hearing it for the next 20 plus years of your life? (These are real things to consider!) Are you hitting it off?  Are they making you laugh?   If so--then wonderful!  Now you are off to a really great start, and should feel optimistic and encouraged about your first date!

On the flip side, if you don't like the sound of their voice-- agreeing to a date is probably not a good idea; a person can't help the sound of their voice and it is not going to magically change into something pleasing later.  Sometimes it's not their voice, but the way they talk that is a major turn off.  If so, I highly suggest parting ways politely now.  Save yourself the trouble and time of a doomed date if you can tell within five minutes of talking to them, that the chemistry isn't right. Thank you technology!

These are all the tips I have to share for now!  I hope my learning experiences will be beneficial to others.  Meanwhile, I highly recommend to anyone who is considering braving the internet dating world-- to go for it!  Sure, there are the occasional dating tragedies, but they make great comedy stories later!  Plus--there is always the possibility that you might meet someone wonderful- and that possibility makes the risk worthwhile.

 Roy Lichtenstein